just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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