its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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