Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
