when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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