I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
