I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
