Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
