I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
