I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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