Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
