I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
