ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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