btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
