I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
