I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
