I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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