you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
