Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
