I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
