So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
