all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
