see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
