There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
