I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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