he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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