remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
