I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
