i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
