Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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