So drunk its hurt
Farmville is her only friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
