you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
