If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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