No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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