Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
