Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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