none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
