Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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