I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
