i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
