do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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