Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
