living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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