I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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