break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
