We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
