Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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