I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
