I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
