she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
