I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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