About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
