just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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