The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
