I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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