how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All the doctor said was why
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
